Brown Sludge

Charter Cable: How To Throw Yourself On The Floor - And Miss!

January 12th, 2006

Dear Charter Communication Customer:

As was communicated to you previously on your most recent bill statement, the monthly subscription price of your video package will be adjusted. While this change is due to increased business and programming costs, we continue to work hard to minimize the impact on you, our customer.

Charter Communications

I get this letter every few months now. Every time Charter raises their rates.

I always know when they’re going to raise their rates - because their satellite TV competition begins to run commercials crowing about what idiots they are for doing so.

Now… being called an idiot by a satellite company is the functional equivalent of being called ugly - by a frog.

When you stop and look at satellite TV - and it’s associated problems and overhead - there shouldn’t be any competition at all. Satellite TV contains hidden costs and problems that make them incredibly “beatable” in any reasonable match-up from a business standpoint. Just the fact that you can lose reception during a heavy rain or that a neighbor’s tree swaying in the wind can keep you from watching your football game should be all the ammunition that any intelligent competitor would need to make the entire question of cable vs. satellite absolutely laughable.

Factor into the equation the fact that cable was the 800 lb. gorilla on the block - with years of experience and an installed customer base that was staggering - and the idea that satellite TV is being watched by anyone other than people in extremely remote locations is one that should make anyone in the cable industry just shake their head in disbelief.

But year after year the satellite TV industry makes gains in viewership - and year after year the cable TV industry watches their lead in the industry dwindle.

Why?

Greed mostly.

And not just a little arrogance.

For so many years they were a monopoly. They adopted that famous Brown Sludge attitude that monopolies get. When you complained about their service or their product they laughed derisively in your face - and told you to shut yer cakehole - if you wanted to watch TV on anything other than a 6 foot piece of aluminum antenna bolted to your roof like something from a Tim Burton movie you’d can the crap and pay the bill. Not like you had a choice or anything you whining moron.

But now folks do have a choice. As ridiculous and flawed as that choice is… people are still willing to take it. If only out of spite.

Let’s review : I can have this gigantic eye-sore hunk of rusting metal bolted to the side (or top - or front - or back depending on exactly which angle) of my house and pointing at some bizarre angle in the sky while I hope and pray that it won’t rain too hard during my favorite program or cherished sports event that I’m watching on the only set in my house that is actually capable of receiving the signal unless I want to add even more equipment or dishes or boxes or LMB’s at an additional cost on my rather pricey monthly bill that may or may not include the local channels I grew up watching at yet another additional cost…

- OR -

I can plug this unobtrusive wire into my house and watch whatever I want on whichever TV set I want regardless of the weather?

And the cable companies managed to screwed this up?

Does the idea that millions of people would rather go through all that than face your sneering customer service policies and continual rate hikes say anything to you as an industry?

It seems like such a simple equation for you guys in the cable industry to me.

Stop greed-grabbing with your rates. Lower them. Screw you. You’re not going to “lose” money. You’re making an investment. The satellite companies “give” the Set Top Boxes (STB’s) away for the promise of a long term contract. You can “give” up some of your profits in order to stop the erosion of your viewer base - if you even care to stop it. You certainly don’t act like you do.

Invest in training your customer service people. Learn to honor a installation commitment and learn how to treat your customers.

Invest in some advertising dollars - and let people know you’re serious about customer service - and how silly people look when they bolt those abominations to the side of their homes. I’ve seen a couple of cute commercials with the guy in the silly suit sitting on top of the home with the dish on his head - that’s the right idea - just expand on it and start driving that home.

And now I’m going to say something that will sound like absolute HERESY to TV aficionados and industry insiders - but I’m going to say it anyway - because I believe it to be absolutely true.

A digital TV signal is less “warm” and more “washed out” when compared to an analog TV signal. I know this because when I used to have satellite - I kept a “basic” cable package (the $8.99 a month package) as a “backup” for the nights when my neighbors tree or the weather interfered with my satellite signal. (Just… THINK about the logic there for a second).

Often I would use the remote to switch back and forth between say CNN on cable, and CNN on the dish - and the difference in the picture was startling. Although the digital version of the picture was “sharper” - it was certainly not “better”. The analog signal wasn’t quite as “crisp” looking - but it was definitely a “warmer” picture. The colors were rich and bright and had a much more watchable quality to them.

I firmly believe that “most” people would pick that analog signal in a “Pepsi Challenge” sort of situation. They can crow all they want about how much “clearer” the picture is - don’t mean a thing if the colors are all washed out and the picture in general is harsher and less watchable.

There’s mileage there for the one brave enough to take the time to examine those facts.

If the cable companies can’t stop themselves from the constant rate-grubbing - things are going to go from bad to worse - and they will find themselves wondering how they managed to screw up such an easy win.

I know I’ll never understand… Oh… wait! My cable bill just showed up… scratch that - I understand COMPLETELY now.

UPDATE :

Some friends of mine just moved to a fancy new upscale subdivision out near the lake. Their home is huge. Their subdivision is GIGANTIC. It’s just not finished quite yet. New development and all. There are maybe 20 houses or so. There are going to be many times that - it’ll just take a few months before they’re all built. It borders several new developments just like it. The area where they moved is getting a lot of news attention because of it’s explosive growth.

As I pulled up to their house I noticed this huge grey disk bolted lopsided to their pristine new siding and cocked at a strange angle. I saw the familiar logo.

Inside they’ve got 3 TV’s, but they can only watch ONE of them - because, well… they haven’t bought the additional equipment to hook them all up to the dish yet.

I kidded them gently about it. They aren’t in a joking mood. In fact they’re kind of angry about the whole thing. They aren’t big satellite fans either - but - apparently - they had no choice.

You see their first call was to the cable company to get hooked up.

They were told flatly - “No.”

When my friends pressed for some answers it was explained to them that there just weren’t enough customers out there yet.

So… one by one the new people moving into the subdivision are being forced by the cable companies to buy satellite dishes.

Unreal.

And when there finally are enough customers in the area to justify a cable run - guess what? Most people who live there will already be dish customers.

Greed and arrogance indeed.

Entry Filed under: General, Thoughts